


Guinea Pigs

by mrua7



Series: PicFics, stories inspired by photo prompts [6]
Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (TV)
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Partnership, Science Fiction, Spies & Secret Agents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-09
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-10-16 23:46:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10581972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrua7/pseuds/mrua7
Summary: Napoleon and Illya fall prey to yet another strange experiment





	

  


 

A shirtless Solo and Kuryakin struggled against their bindings as their arms and upper bodies were tightly strapped to stainless steel medical tables that had been tilted upwards, allowing the agents to observe what was going on.

Across from them was another stainless table, this with with bizarre looking creatures held in place, looking like something out of the prehistoric Paleozoic era to the Russian.

Needles had been inserted into whatever they were and were being drained of what presumably was their blood...blue blood. He’d never seen anything like it.

“What are they?” He whispered to Solo.

“Atlantic horseshoe crabs.”

“I have never seen a crab like those before.”

“They’re not actually crabs. If I recall my college biology they’re called chelicerates. It’s a classification that includes spiders, scorpions and mites. They’re actually about 500 million years old.

“They look like huge trilobites,” Illya said.

“Actually horseshoe crabs are more closely related to the extinct trilobites than to any living creature.”

“Napoleon I am truly impressed. Now why is their...what I assume is blood...blue?”

“Good question, you’ve got me there tovarisch. I’ve heard the term blue blood, but that always referred a person of noble birth.”

A lab technician working nearby was listening in on their conversation.

“You know for two men who are about to be experimented on with this stuff, you’re awfully calm.”

“And what exactly are you going to do with that ‘stuff’?” Napoleon asked.

“Oh once we’ve added our special formula we’re going to inject it into the both of you. We’ll see if you can survive, then we’ll harvest your blood…”

“See if we survive?” Illya swallowed hard.

“Just so you know the horseshoe crab’s blood is bright blue, because it’s copper-based hemocyanin whereas invertebrates have iron based hemoglobin. Instead of white blood cells to fight infection, many invertebrates have amebocytes, and the Limulus polyphemus here have evolved to such a peak of refinement that they are of enormous medical value.”

“Horseshoe crab amebocytes coagulate around as little as one part in a trillion of bacterial contamination. Even better, the reaction takes 45 minutes, not two days as with mammalian equivalents. Coagulan, the chemical that makes this possible, can be used in testing medical...well enough of that! THRUSH however, has found another use for the Coagulant.”

“And that is?” Solo asked.

“Oh that would spoil the surprise Mr. Solo. You’ll find out soon enough if...Mr. Kuryakin survives, and if not then it’ll be your turn.”

It was unusual that a Thrushie wasn’t running off at the mouth about their latest scheme, and both agents found that odd.

The tech prepared a syringe, drawing from a small vial of clear liquid, then he added some of the blue blood to it.

“All right Mr. Kuryakin, this’ll only pinch. I can’t promise what you’ll feel after that, or if you’ll live.”

“Oh that is so comforting,” Illya retorted.

The man stood between the two tables and just as the needle was jabbed into Kuryakin’s arm, Napoleon lifted his left foot and slammed against the back of the man’s head.

He went flying to the floor unconscious, but the syringe remained in Illya’s arm. Solo wriggled his right hand free and undid his restraints.

“Please remove the needle first?” Illya said.

“Got it!” Napoleon quickly placed it in a nearby case and put it safely in his pocket. UNCLE would want a sample.

He undid Kuryakin’s bindings and as they prepared to leave, Illya halted.

“Wait, there is something to be done.” He took a lit bunsen burner and using a lab coat as tinder, he set the lab ablaze. The horseshoe crabs had been drained of their life’s blood and were dead so there was no reason to try to free the poor creatures.

He and Napoleon grabbed the unconscious tech and dragged him to safety outdoors, and there they watched as the small structure went up in flames.

There was a car parked nearby, with the keys still in the ignition. It most likely belonged to the tech who was apparently the only person working at this remote lab. There were no guards as the goons who’d captured Solo and Kuryakin felt the agents were safely and securely bound to the medical tables. They left to get dinner...

After finding a pair of jumper cables in the trunk, the UNCLE agents bound their prisoner and headed out.  They’d been captured in the town of Wilkes Barre Pennsylvania, and realized once they found a main road that they were still in the vicinity. From there the drive to headquarters would take about two and a half hours.

The tech, once awake remained silent.

“I wonder what they were planning on using this for,” Napoleon drew the box containing the syringe from his pocket. He pointed it towards the Thrushie.

“Research and development will tell us soon enough, but I am sure it is for something nefarious.”

“Oh let’s just try it on our friend here Illya,” Napoleon smiled.

“No, please?  If you fools must know, we were trying to develop a vaccine.”

“Vaccine for what?” Solo asked.

“Tsk, the common cold. Too many of our people are always getting sick and the Council wanted us to develop a vaccine as a preventative.”

Both Solo and Kuryakin’s eyebrows raised upon hearing that…

“A cure for the common cold you say?” Napoleon grinned as he looked at his partner, who was prone to getting them.”

“Do not look at me. I am no guinea pig my friend.”

“I would never think that tovarisch,” Napoleon winked.


End file.
